Nothing Is Good Or Bad,It’s Thinking That Makes It So

Nothing Is Good Or Bad,It’s Thinking That Makes It So

Courage To Change – September 15, 2020

How often have I been told, gaslighted by people in my past, by the line that it’s all in my head. The truth is that they were 100% correct, just not in the way they think. It’s not so much that I was making it all up and (my estranged ex) was blameless in the entire situation. The truth is that what goes on between my ears is 100% in my head. My interpretation of the situation, impetus, or issue, is 100% on me, and nobody else. If I am hurt by a statement or an action, that does not make such a thing itself wrong or bad, and/or make it good. What matters at this point is more accurately how I receive and interpret that input. The title above, a quote, has never been more true than it is for me now. “Nothing is either good or bad. It’s thinking that makes it so.”

Quick and Simple Disclaimer: The readings in this post are literally taken wholesale out of the book entitled Courage to Change. You can find it at Amazon, Here. The portion entitled Alleged Insight, well that mess is all me.
If you’re an introvert, go buy the book, if you’re a broke introvert, the text from many good books can be found HERE , if you’re in dire straits however, go find an Al-Anon Meeting, it saved me. *None of these links are affiliate links,

So onward to Today’s Reading

Night after sleepless night, I tossed and turned and worried. Why couldn’t I sleep? What was the matter with me? My life was stressful, but no more so than usual. I’d tried hot milk, reading in bed, soft music, even a visit to the doctor, but still I couldn’t get more than a few hours sleep. I was in a panic!

I spoke about my concerns in an Al-Anon meeting, and another member related a similar problem. What had helped him was to accept the situation fully and admit that he was powerless to make himself sleep. In retrospect, he said, his sleeplessness has been a blessing; it had kept him too tired to get into trouble.

I realized the same was true for me. Instead of worrying compulsively about a loved one’s sobriety, watchful and nosy despite many attempts to mind my own business, lately I’ve been too tired to be overly involved in anything that wasn’t my concern. I had often prayed to be released from my obsessive worry, and now in an unexpected way, my prayers seem to have been answered.

Today’s reminder

My Higher Power’s gifts sometimes take unusual forms. Perhaps something I regard as a problem is really a form of assistance.

“Nothing is either good or bad. It’s thinking that makes it so.”

Benjamin Franklin

Alleged Insight:

It’s been a bad few days. I won’t even begin to try to explain it but it’s been bad. Things are worse than they have been in a long time. How is this a gift from my Higher Power? What’s God got in mind for this man’s future? I have a wife who needs all of my everything, but is willing to compromise on, consider or give back absolutely nothing to me. She’s been burned too often, and is overwhelmed and burnt out to the point where she has nothing left to give. That this always happens when I am approaching rock bottom emotionally myself is a hard truth to accept.

What do you do when you’re at your breaking point, and everybody you can lean on is approaching critical failure? Parenting is like this. I guess the simple answer is that when there’s no option to get away, to break down, we don’t have that option. I am living proof of the fact that good intentions aren’t reality. I broke. When there was nowhere else to go, I became the worst possible version of myself, it was bad, really bad

My father’s worst problems reared their ugly head in my self. I’m not sure that some things I broke can be fixed anymore from this time. At some point I do too much damage, all for want of feeling loved and validated rather than dismissed and invalidated.

There is a lesson here, and I can probably pontificate on what it should be, but truth is that I am in a monumental amount of pain in my heart and soul; pain which doesnt even being to touch the level of damage I likely did to those I thought I loved. How could I do that to them? I don’t know anymore. These are the truthful words of a broken man staring at the wreckage of his life wondering how to go on.

Closing thoughts:

The demons of our past don’t ever leave us, they just hide and wait until we’re so close to breaking, then they give us the slightest push to make sure we do ourselves in. We need to start talking about this crap, or our kids will have to fight our demons. I don’t know about you, but I sure as hell don’t want to leave my demons for my children. I am afraid that in the case of the older ones, I might be too late.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *