Month: October 2019

Fear is my friend, it guides me to truth

Fear is my friend, it guides me to truth

Courage To Change — October 31, 2019

Don’t get me wrong, fear is a feeling, a driver and an emotional reaction to a situation. In most situations however, fear is not something to be afraid of, if that makes any sense. Fear can be a good thing. Aside from the usual reactions to fear, think of it as a guide. Say to yourself, Fear is my friend, it guides me to the right path in truth.

Quick and Simple Disclaimer: The readings in this post are literally taken wholesale out of the book entitled Courage to Change. You can find it at Amazon, Here. The portion entitled Alleged Insight, well that mess is all me.
If you’re an introvert, go buy the book, if you’re a broke introvert, the text from many good books can be found HERE , if you’re in dire straits however, go find an Al-Anon Meeting, it

So onward to Today’s Reading

So many of the choices I’ve made in my life have been reactions to fear. Something in my world changes: a loved one seeks sobriety, a friend is displeased with something I’ve said, I’m given a new task at work, the grocery store runs out of chicken – and inside I panic. I’m attacked by thoughts of disaster. I imagine failure, torment, agony. And then I act. I do something rash or fruitless in order to put a bandage on the situation, because the one thing I most fear is being afraid.

Fear can become a power greater than myself. I may not be able to fix it or make it go away. But today, with a Higher Power who is greater than my fears, I don’t have to let them run my life or make my choices for me. I can grab hold of my Higher Power’s hand, face my fears, and move through them.

Today’s reminder

Al-Anon is a program in which we find spiritual solutions to the things we are powerless to change. Today, instead of seeking relief from fear by trying to do battle with it, I will turn it my Higher Power.

The birds of worry and care fly free above your head, this you cannot change. But that they build nests in your hair, this you can prevent.”

Chinese proverb

Alleged Insight:

Emotions are powerful. No question. But your higher power and your self is even more powerful. You have choices, and among those choices is the option of not reacting to fear. Choosing to respond to the emotions rather than reacting to them, learning from them. In the reading above, the emotion noted is fear. Fear is really quite primal and powerful, but it’s also informative and insightful if you can step back and respond to it. Fear can show you where the weak points are, it can lead you to solid ground and faith in your world, it can show you where the work needs to be done to shore up the structure that is you and your emotional reality. I am not saying I am perfect at doing this, but the truth is that fear is my friend and I can learn from it. Fear will lead me to the truth of a situation if only I can calm my mind enough to see the whole picture.

Closing thoughts:

Humans are a messy creation. Feelings, hormones, and all that squishy stuff held together by a bag of skin and articulated by an internal framework of sticks. Leaving the physical messy bits alone for a moment, let’s consider that a well grown human will be able to work with and through his emotions, without being ruled by those same emotions. As an ACOA who is still working through his own crap, I’m not sure how good I am at responding rather than reacting, but to try is the first step towards succeeding.

Duke.


When In Doubt, Ask.

When In Doubt, Ask.

Courage To Change — October 21, 2019

OCD, trying to control everything, assuming we know everything, its a character flaw that I will own up to. Hell, I can make an entire identity out o fit on a bad jaunt. But the truth is that I don’t know everything, or every path, or the solution to any given issue. Often I find myself simply asking my higher power for the strength to carry on and the wisdom to understand my role in it. When you’re up against the wall, and when in doubt, ask.
Quick and Simple Disclaimer: The readings in this post are literally taken wholesale out of the book entitled Courage to Change. You can find it at Amazon, Here. The portion entitled Alleged Insight, well that mess is all me.
If you’re an introvert, go buy the book, if you’re a broke introvert, the text from many good books can be found HERE , if you’re in dire straits however, go find an Al-Anon Meeting, it saved me.
Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

 

Today’s Reading

Many times I have said, “I wish I had faith.” And what I’ve heard from so many wise Al-Anon members is, “Surrender your lack of faith to your Higher Power, and ask for faith.”

I have said, “I know I am powerless, but I feel so helpless, frightened, hopeless,” and I have been told I had the option to surrender those feelings as ask for what I need. Powerless does not mean helpless. In fact, it can lead us to a source of enormous power – the power to carry out God’ swill.

I have always said, “I can’t figure out what God wants me to do, though I’ve prayed for guidance.” My loving sponsor always says, “God doesn’t speak in code. Ask for clarity, and then trust that you will get it when the time is right.”

When in doubt, I am learning that the answer is to ask.

Today’s reminder

After years of asking only for a particular solution to a problem, such as “Please make the alcoholic stop drinking!” – I need to learn a better way to ask for help. Today I will meditate fora few minutes on what I need, and then I will ask a Power greater than myself to help me with it.

“Even if we have struggled with the idea of a Higher Power, we have learned that asking for help works…”

….In All Our Affairs

Alleged Insight:

How to talk about the lack of something? I am seriously struggling with this one today. The first image that comes to mind when faced with the reading is something like this one:

Photo by N. on Unsplash

Photo by N. on Unsplash

Of itself, that’s not a troublesome map, but it does have some unknown quantities, and I’ll bet that the edge has an inscription on it somewhere which roughly reads “Here be monsters” for the unknown areas. Now this isn’t what the reading is referencing, but I’m in an odd mental place today. It’s been a day when I’ve had to “Let Go and Let God” more times that I can count on two hands.

I’ve often heard that if only we [humans] would get out of our own way, things would run so much smoother. I have to wonder if there is more to this statement than it would first appear. In fact, when approaching life with the faith that it will all work out, (Faith in whatever you believe in, Karma, God, Balance, whatever) and then proceeding forward with that faith held securely in front of you as both shield and guide, life does have a way of managing to work out.

I mean, I’m not dead yet, and I probably should be based on my history. So have faith that things will come around.

Closing thoughts:

Trust that when you need the skills, knowledge, and abilities, you will have them. Once that’s done, keep moving forward, eyes open, ready to receive whatever it is you need to receive, and do what’s asked of you. Let go of controlling the situation, and instead just focus on doing your best in your role in the events to come.

Duke.

Pause to find the beauty of life in the smallest of moments

Pause to find the beauty of life in the smallest of moments

Courage To Change – October 20, 2019

Life is busy, insanely so most of the time. With technology driving us at an even faster and more connected pace, I find the need to pause becoming even more compelling. When life has been reduced to a blur of images and impressions, taking a moment to find the beauty in life allows a reset at my deepest levels. A bird in flight, a child’s smile, a fully formed flower, life will impress you and leave you speechless, if only you pause for a moment to see it.

Quick and Simple Disclaimer: The readings in this post are literally taken wholesale out of the book entitled Courage to Change. You can find it at Amazon, Here. The portion entitled Alleged Insight, well that mess is all me.
If you’re an introvert, go buy the book, if you’re a broke introvert, the text from many good books can be found HERE , if you’re in dire straits however, go find an Al-Anon Meeting, it saved me.

Photo by David Clode on Unsplash

Photo by David Clode on Unsplash

Today’s Reading

As a child I would get down on my hand sand knees for the longest time, just to watch a caterpillar crawl around. It never seemed to go very far, yet I patiently waited just in case it should do something spectacular. It never did, but I didn’t mind, because simply watching this peculiar looking creature gave me pleasure.

Remembering this makes me question how many such precious moments are passing me by unnoticed because I am so focused on other things. Before Al-Anon, I spent years ignoring life’s beauty because I was too busy trying to get all the alcoholics’ to stop drinking, and in recovery I’ve lost many, many hours waiting to solve a problem or be freed of a character defect. Today I am learning to make room in my life for the wonder life has to offer.

Today’s reminder

I am learning to choose where to focus my attention. Appreciating life’s simple gifts may take some practice, but as I become more aware of the beauty that is all around me, it gets easier to appreciate the beauty within.

“Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially, I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful…”

Just for Today

Alleged Insight:

Where to start? Yeah, guilty of this big time. The reading isn’t 100% accurate for an ACOA or y’know, not the actively chasing and battling an alcoholics’ behavior. But the mindset still applies. Getting lost in waiting, busyness of life, and general chaos.

Have you ever just stopped and watched the honeybee flitting across the dandelions that come up in spring? Does the baby’s (or toddler’s) laugh get overlooked in the noise of life? How many moments do you catch in a day, how many do you miss? It takes a good intentional focus to pick up on them, otherwise they get lost in the chaos.

To be constantly hemmed in by other’s perceptions, external pressures and society’s demands, it’s exhausting; but more importantly, it’s draining on a physical and psychic level. To recovery our physical energy we need good food, and proper sleep (two things that are in increasingly short supply, inversely proportional to the number of children you have).

How do you recover your mental energy, that driving fuel of the spirit, the desire to get up and be okay, to feel good and content/happy/complete? Well, the world will provide, but you need to take the time to find it. You need to pause for a moment in the middle of the busy noise and find the beautiful moments that spark joy and replenish your soul in life.

Closing thoughts:

Children are a joy, life is a blessing, and chaos in the normal state. Sometimes you need to take a moment for yourself to see the beauty. You should not feel guilty for taking that moment. Without the depth of character and identity created when you take that time to round out yourself, you will end up feeling like a transparent version of yourself, washed out and maybe only half a person. We all need those moments of joy and blessing that God bestows on us when we least expect it.

Duke.

External Links:

A song that comes to mind from this reading is here:

George Strait – I Saw God Today

https://youtu.be/Sp1N9l5-qtk

 

Taking care of yourself first is sometimes the best option

Taking care of yourself first is sometimes the best option

Courage To Change — October 16, 2019

Soemtimes, when we’ve done all we can, and there’s naught to do but scream, we need to step back and shift focus. Often, taking care of yourself first is your best, and sometimes your only option in a spread of lesser choices. Life is about balance. While we constantly try to work on the issues outside our own body, we are important and deserving of kindness as well. Remember, broken people make broken people. Healthy people raise up healthy people.

Quick and Simple Disclaimer: The readings in this post are literally taken wholesale out of the book entitled Courage to Change. You can find it at Amazon, Here. The portion entitled Alleged Insight, well that mess is all me.

If you’re an introvert, go buy the book, if you’re a broke introvert, the text from many good books can be found HERE , if you’re in dire straits however, go find an Al-Anon Meeting, it saved me.


Thus, – Today’s Reading

When I am trying to tackle a tough problem or cope with a stressful situation, and I’ve done all I can for the moment, what then? I can do something that will nurture my mind, body, or spirit. Perhaps I’ll take a walk or listen to music. Maybe I’ll meet a friend for coffee and conversation. I could have something nutritious to eat, or sit quietly and meditate, or read a book.

Al-Anon is a program of action in which we recognize that we have choices about what we do with our time. A bubble bath, a massage, an Al-Anon call, a bike ride, or a nap might be constructive ways to fill time that might otherwise be wasted on worry.

Even though I may be powerless to change my circumstances, I certainly am not helpless I can use my time to do something good for myself. When I treat myself with love and tenderness, I am better able to deal with the challenges that life presents. I have a chance to feel good, even when surrounded by crisis.

Today’s reminder

One of my primary responsibilities is to take are of myself. I will find a small way to do something for my mind, body, and spirit today.

“… part of my recovery is respecting my need and my right to let go and relax.”

…In All Our Affairs

Alleged Insight:

Oh God, asking a workaholic to let go and relax, when there’re kids to be fed, bills to pay, renovations to do, and likely in the middle of it, somebody’s bleeding or needs to go to the hospital? A losing proposition from the start.

As I’ve mentioned, both my wife and I come from unsettled backgrounds, and we have five gorgeous, amazing kids that drive us to distraction. This reading feels (to me at least) as though somebody is all alone and spinning their wheels uselessly while unable to affect their qualifier or the events there-about. But The nature of the readings in these books is that you can usually fit it to your own situation. Today’s reading is no different from any other.

Life is Chaos (yeah, it’s my usual claim), and the truth is that getting stuck in negative thought and emotional cycles is part of the obstacle course I’m trying to navigate through as a recovering adult in this madness called life. For some of us, the thought of just letting go and relaxing is a pipe dream, but it can be made to happen.

The take-away is that self care is critical. I can’t be a good father to my children if I’m a wreck in real life. I can be okay, I can be supportive, but I won’t be able to shine as a beacon of fatherhood (yeah, egotistical much?) if I can’t even clean up good and feel at peace in my own head.

Closing thoughts:

I am likely more guilty than most of letting my inner mess out to play where others might see it. I fail in front of my kids more than I’d care to admit, and I am guilty of not being the best version of myself on each and every day.

I often get drawn into the trap of thinking that there’s no room in my life for me, and that service to others comes before and instead of taking even a few moments for my own self.

Today’s focus will be on remembering that five minutes for me means that the kids will get a much better version of me for them.

P.S. We need to start talking about this crap, or our kids will have to fight our demons. I don’t know about you, but I sure as hell don’t want to leave my demons for my children. Duke.


Forgiveness is the Key to Your Serenity

Forgiveness is the Key to Your Serenity

Courage To Change — October 15, 2019

Our lives are often tangled messes. Webs of resentment, regret, shame and discontent are so tangled and extensive that finding a string to start unraveling the whole often means getting strangled by the rest of the strings that still hold us fast. Forgiveness is the key to understanding the big picture; which threads to pull to loosen the whole knot. Forgiveness is not about proving anything, or about actual redemption, but about letting go. It’s for you, the forgiver, not for the forgiven. Forgiveness is the key to freedom, your freedom, of spirit, mind and body.

Quick and Simple Disclaimer: The readings in this post are literally taken wholesale out of the book entitled Courage to Change. You can find it at Amazon, Here. The portion entitled Alleged Insight, well that mess is all me.

If you’re an introvert, go buy the book, if you’re a broke introvert, the text from many good books can be found HERE , if you’re in dire straits however, go find an Al-Anon Meeting, it saved me.

Credit: Pixabay

 

Today’s Reading

The most loving form of detachment I have found has been forgiveness. Instead of thinking of it as an eraser to wipe another’s slate clean or a gavel that I pound to pronounce someone “Not Guilty,” I think of forgiveness as scissors. I use it to cut the strings of resentment that bind me to a problem or a past hurt. By releasing resentment, I set myself free.

When I am consumed with negativity over another person’s behavior, I have lost my focus. I needn’t tolerate what I consider unacceptable, but wallowing in negativity will not alter the situation. If there is action to take, I am free to take it. Where I am powerless to change the situation, I will turn it over to my Higher Power. By truly letting go, I detach and forgive.

When my thoughts are full of bitterness, fear, self-pity, and dreams of revenge, there is little room for love or for the quiet voice of guidance within me. I am willing to love myself enough to admit that resentments hold me back, and then I can let them go.

Today’s reminder

Every time I try to tighten the noose of resentment around someone’s neck, I am really only choking myself. Today I will practice forgiveness instead.

“A part of me wants to cling to old resentments, but I know that the more I forgive, the better my life works.

. . . In All Our Affairs

Alleged Insight:

I am so very guilty of this. Focusing on other’s behavior and actions rather than on my own self and soul. The poor me, pity train is a hard one to derail. When you wake up in the morning, you’ve a full day ahead of you, a gift from God, which is why it’s often referred to as the Present. Live life to the fullest, enjoying your Present. Holding on to the past is like trying to pull on the water that’s gone beneath the bridge. The past has passed, and it’s gone. The only things left from the past are those things that we learn, remember and cling to.

While there’s no harm in memories, focusing on them, obsessing over them is literally pointless. You’re sacrificing today’s joy for yesterday’s pain. To be truly free to live your life and be the best possible version of yourself, focus on the good from the past and make notes of your own shortcomings so you can maybe learn and grow.

Others may change because of your feelings on things; it’s possible, if they are so inclined; but the reality is that most people are who they are. Without a major external influence, most people are just going to go on being themselves, regardless of how you feel about things. Thus holding onto your feelings about other peoples actions is kinda like drinking the poison so the other guy will die.

Closing thoughts:

The point of life is to do good, to serve others and our sense of well being (true happiness) is not found in acquiring or possessing, but in serving and supporting. True freedom comes from letting the past lay where it fell, learning the lessons it imparts, and growing from the experience. Once you’re past something, it’s power over you is solely determined by your choice to let it affect you.

Remember:

At the end of the day

In every way,

You can choose to be

For all to see,

Gracious and Awesome

 

You can’t live a positive life with a negative mind.

You can’t live a positive life with a negative mind.

Courage To Change — October 5, 2019

Life will hit you with all the cheap and nasty shots it can. If you’re an ACOA or you have a qualifier in your life that makes Al-Anon a no-brainer, then it goes double for you. Despite all that however, you can’t live a positive life with a negative mindset. It just won’t work. An attitude of gratitude is a good starting place at remedying things, seeking the joy in life and consciously choosing to let go of the shit that’s drying to suffocate and drag you under.

Quick Disclaimer: The readings in this post are literally taken wholesale out of the book entitled Courage to Change. You can find it at Amazon, Here. The portion entitled Alleged Insight, well that mess is all me.

Photo Credit – Pexels on Pixabay

Today’s Reading

Sometimes I become so bogged down with dis-satisfaction that I can’t see where I am or where I’m going. When I take the time to “Think,” I realize that negativity keeps my life at a standstill. Al-Anon has helped me discover that, while it’s good to acknowledge whatever I feel, I have a choice about where to focus my attention. I’m challenged to find positive qualities in myself, my circumstances, and other human beings. As I attend meetings, list the things I am grateful for, and talk with other Al-Anon members, these attributes become apparent – if I’m willing to see them.

I believe I have a beautiful spirit that has been created for some purpose. The people and situations I encounter each day also have beauty and purpose. I can begin to look for the positive in everything I do and see. The perspective I’ve gained by doing so has shown me that some of the most difficult times in my life have produced the most wonderful changes.

Today’s reminder

It may be difficult to break a long-established pattern of depression, doom-saying, and complaining, but it’s worth the effort. I’ll replace a negative attitude with a positive one today.

“Sometimes I go about pitying myself

And all the while I am being carried across the sky

By beautiful clouds.”

Ojibway Indian Saying

Alleged Insight:

Some days you open up one of these readings and wish that you had instilled it a week earlier into your patterns and mental space. It’s been one hell of a week here at Castle Chaos. I’ve been getting ambushed by demons coming and going. My older kids are picking up on the constant issues. Hell, my physiology is picking up on it. I’ve been suffering anxiety attacks and other such miserable issues for days and days now.

I am in introverted over-thinker by nature. Not communicating is kinda my thing. Assuming I have all the needed information to a situation, trusting that my interpretations of the lay of the land is correct. Usually this isn’t a huge issue. When, due to my nature, I get something wrong on a project one of my team-mates will straighten me out.

At home is a different story however. I am guilty of building a story around events to support my feelings of the events.

What I keep forgetting is that there are two people in every interaction. I sure as hell don’t have a solid understanding of what I am all about, so why should I assume that I understand what the person (usually my wife) is all about.

The problem is that I do assume such, and then construct reasons to support my assumptions of other’s motives. How nuts is that? Today’s reading highlights doing exactly this and why we shouldn’t do so. Holding a shitty negative mindset will generally mess up your day, and all futures points as well. Choosing to think otherwise, also known as Cognitive Behavior Therapy, being aware of what’s going on inside your head, instead of just subject to it, will help you get back on track with living the most awesome life ever.

Closing thoughts:

In the immortal words of Bill and Ted:

Be excellent to each other!

Remember, this includes being ‘excellent’ to yourself as well. You’re pretty frikin’ awesome, even if you can’t see it right now.

Every morning you wake up is another 24 hours you get to practice and even start over if needed, but God keeps giving you another day, don’t waste this one being in a bad mood.

Duke.

Writing out your thoughts can help you deal with them.

Writing out your thoughts can help you deal with them.

Credit - PixabayPhoto Credit – Pixabay

Let’s start by admitting I’m older than some and younger than others. But I’ve been journaling since before that was even a concern.

From the earliest times I can remember, words were my refuge and my solace; my confidant and my cohort. Retreating into Hardy Boy’s novels to escape real life was a thing I often did before I was 12. Transporting myself through time and space to the old west, where men were men, good and evil were white and black; the right thing to do was clear as day.

There was none of this grey muddle that we live in today. I was young. Life was simple. Retreat was a valid coping mechanism.

Queue up the ‘Growing Up” music and montage. That was most of forty years ago. Two marriages, six children (plus about five other children that were mine by default because I was the grown assed man around the house, but they weren’t biologically mine). That’s another post that I’m not ready to write just yet however.

The World is not Black and White

When we are small, the world is of necessity a simple place. Food is provided, shelter likewise (or it should be, not every child is as fortunate as we in Canada tend to be). Black and White, Right and Wrong, simple lines of definition, this is the way of childhood. Then we grow up.

Emotions start running, hormones are surging through puberty and beyond, girls grow into women, boys into men, and the whole relationship mess starts messing with people’s heads and hearts.

Stuff get’s lost in translation, meaning gets muddled is communication. Essentially, it’s a perfect blend of chaos and mayhem, all wrapped up in interpersonal relationships. What does all this mean to the child who grew up? That black and white clear cut world is gone, you’re now wading through muddles of grey.

I can see an upset person, who’s attacking everybody around them, critical, judgmental, and totally unforgiving. That same person might not be who I see. Maybe there’s pain and insecurity backing that outward shell, and having been hurt when they allowed themselves to be vulnerable before, that person is now unwilling to risk being hurt again. As a result, they button down their defenses so tightly that nobody can see through the cracks to the hurting child inside.

Everybody has baggage.

But it’s your job to carry or stow your own, not your partners responsibility.

That hurting child behind the ramparts; that was me, and it was also my wife, and so many others that I know, and also don’t know yet. See, we all come from our own childhood, and everyone’s is different. My trauma and damage is unique, so is yours. What a joy it was to think, briefly, that becoming an adult meant that I wasn’t going to have to deal with my childhood mess anymore.

Damn but I was wrong. So wrong. See, I had no idea back then that the mess of my childhood wasn’t content to be left behind. I packed it all up, crammed it into my head and internalized the crazy so that I could bring it with me through puberty and into adulthood.

The problem may have started out being my childhood and what I learned growing up in that alcoholic toxic small town where I did. But at forty-odd year’s old, the problem isn’t where I’m from, but rather, the problem had become me.

“The problem isn’t where I’m from, but rather, the problem had become me.”

I couldn’t even begin to define what that previous statement meant as I was surviving the trials of my first few jobs. Alcohol was what adults used to cope with their shitty lives, so when I was working at -5’C in January, hauling lumber through sucking mud and surviving the incessant putrid smell of curing concrete on the job site, looking forward to a beer or twelve was normal.

Until it wasn’t.

See, I’m not good at being content (also another post), and I was miserable. Knowing that I was miserable I started looking for answers through the bottom of the beer stein. Finally, I put down the beer stein, and after a few disastrous forays into suicidal ideation, I eventually started thinking about my thinking.

If you think that sounds circular, you should see how it feels, it’s almost as bad as university philosophy.

You really do need to think about your thinking

How to fix a broken brain? The templates need torn up and thrown away. But where to start?

This is where thinking about your thinking comes into play. There’s a formal name for it, called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which basically means paying attention to your own thoughts and addressing both the thought and the driving points behind it. Google the term, you’ll be directed to so many good resources that you won’t know where to start.

For me, the start comes from beginning to understand the mess.

But how do you separate yourself from yourself? I mean, your thoughts are literally inside your head, how do you get them far enough away from your own self to be able to inspect them impersonally.

Hence, write them down. Typing things out is a manual mechanical feat, and it is kind of something that works. For me personally, nothing beats working through ink and paper, manifesting my own jumbled thoughts in the real world for a look at them apart from my internal self. Now, I’m sure there are many doctoral and philosophical reasons why this is so, and why it works the way it does. However, much the same as why yeast makes malt into beer, I don’t really care beyond the fact that it does work for me.

Removing your thoughts will help you see them better.

The whole premise here is that to understand something we must be able to see the thing for what it is. Thoughts are tricky because while they’re in your head, they’re a messy muddle of unknowable mush, at least for those of us who need to do the work. So get out of your own mind, or at least get the thoughts out of your own mind. Get them out into the open where you can mull them over for their own merit.

An Example:

Thinking ‘nobody loves me, I have to do everything around here, and nobody appreciates any of what I do’ is an emotionally charged self-indulgent thought process. Assessing it before divorcing it from your own head is damned near impossible, especially if you’re the poor fool who’s feeling them feelings and thinking them thoughts.

Write it down. On paper. Do so with the intention of making it real. Like this.

Doing this, I can feel the emotions shifting around to a new viewpoint. The swoops in the writing, the intent required in forming the letters, it all shifts my mental state. I then read it, and yeah, on a bad day it’ll be rough to let go of the feelings, but on day’s like today, where I have been having a rough but not totally overwhelmingly hard day, I can see this for what it is.

These are my thoughts and feelings. They may not be a true reflection of reality.

See, the thing about being human, is that we all have our demons to fight, (or play with), but being human, it’s hard to remember that everybody else also has demons to handle. We can’t see their demons.

With time, patience and attention, we might be able to see the work and results of the demon’s efforts reflected in those we love and care about. But we can’t see the torment of another soul.

Maybe what I feel as being unloved and unappreciated is merely the side effect of others being so busy wrapped in their own struggles that my efforts are appreciated merely for the act of doing them so that other’s (my wife?) doesn’t have to deal with that aspect of things at this moment.

It’s kind of like when you scoop the screaming toddler away from the other parent so they can have a moment to recover and you, with a fresh approach, can distract and calm down the little one. The appreciation isn’t shown by the one who gets a moment to recover, but barring some serious emotional damages, it has to be there.

Sometimes we get so caught up in experiencing our own life that we forget everybody else is simultaneously experiencing their life alongside ours.

Sometimes what we think is truth is merely emotion and feeling masquerading as truth.

Sometimes we need to just get the hell out of our own heads and then turn around, look at what we’re thinking and figure out if thinking out thoughts is in our best interests or if we should be questioning them wholesale or piecemeal.

Soemtimes reality isn’t what you think it is.

Good Luck.

May God bless you and keep you.

Duke.