Month: December 2019

Meditation is Personal, but not Guaranteed

Meditation is Personal, but not Guaranteed

Courage To Change – December 3, 2019

Photo Credit: Author

Photo Credit: Author


Meditation is touted as the holy grail in saving us from our own over-stressed world that we have created for and of ourselves. Everywhere you turn, there are tutorials, classes, personal coaches, all trying to teach you to meditate. The problem is that they are trying to teach you to meditate THEIR WAY, in a manner that works for them. I will be the first to admit that it is often helpful to be shown how to do something, but then it becomes my path to do it the way that makes sense, rather than how that other person showed me to do it. At the end of it all, my meditation is a personal process, and doing it the way another tells me to does not guarantee the success of the process for me.

Quick and Simple Disclaimer: The readings in this post are literally taken wholesale out of the book entitled Courage to Change. You can find it at Amazon, Here. The portion entitled Alleged Insight, well that mess is all me.
If you’re an introvert, go buy the book, if you’re a broke introvert, the text from many good books can be found HERE , if you’re in dire straits however, go find an Al-Anon Meeting, it saved me. *None of these links are affiliate links,


Today’s Reading

What is meditation? Al-Anon leaves that question open for each of us to answer in our own way. Drawing upon the experiences of other Al-Anon members can help us to find our own path. Here are only a few of the ways members of the fellowship have shared:

  • To me, meditation is a higher spiritual awareness. I practice remembering that every action can serve a spiritual purpose.
  • I go to a quiet place, close my eyes, and repeat the words of the Serenity Prayer to myself in a gentle voice.
  • I need to get beyond my thoughts, so I concentrate on my breathing, counting from one to ten over and over as I breathe in and out.
  • I simply step back and watch my thoughts as if I were watching a play. I try to keep my attention on the present day only, leaving the past and the future alone.
  • I focus on a flower. When my thoughts stray, I accept that my mind is just doing it is job – thinking- and then gently return to my subject.
  • In my mind, I picture my Higher Power’s hands. One by one, I place my problems and worries, my joy and my gratitude, into those hands, and finally I climb in too.

Alleged Insight:

That picture, up top? That’s the handlebars of my 1975 KZ650.

That was how I meditated back before I was a parent. I could ride for ages and ages, it cost pennies to lose myself in the weave and flow of the air around me, in the dance of the rubber on the pavement. It was glorious.

Lately however, meditation is something that has been scarcer and scarcer. With lots of kids, two full time careers, and life going a little sideways [or even completely off the rails more often than not] most days, it is all I can do to get showered with fresh clothes on some days, let alone relaxed and into a meditative state.

I’m not so sure on what meditation means to me these days; a few quiet moments really is all I ever get, and those are few and far between. I suspect that taking the time to write up these posts is as close as I’m going to get to true meditation any time soon. In a couple of years the littlest ones will be heading off to school, and life will not settle down, but the manic should subside a little at least. a few hours of sanity for my wife will translate into some semblance of calm in my world. At that point, meditation or at least intentional mindfulness will be easier to achieve.

Closing thoughts:

Meditation, at it is core, is the process of focusing the mind, clearing the thoughts away and generally achieving a state of mental rest; peace, if you will.

Here’s the link to the definition of meditation:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meditation

It’s worth a read, but please note that the very first paragraph indicates that the practice and process of meditation varies widely across the whole spectrum of those who practice it.

Find what works for you, then do it. As for me, I’ll keep hoping for a chance to return to where the rubber meets the road and the wind pulls the tears from my eyes as I feel the world flow past.

Duke.


Peace, Let It Begin With Me

Peace, Let It Begin With Me

Courage To Change – December 2, 2019


Peace is a hard thing to define. Where to start and what to do to attain peace. Peace of mind? Peace of Spirit? Peace of soul and body? What exactly are we looking for? Ultimately, the pursuit of peace is the same as the pursuit of happiness, maybe it’s not the pursuit of peace but the acceptance of such when it has become manifest. Most importantly, I shall let peace begin with me.

Quick and Simple Disclaimer: The readings in this post are literally taken wholesale out of the book entitled Courage to Change. You can find it at Amazon, Here. The portion entitled Alleged Insight, well that mess is all me.
If you’re an introvert, go buy the book, if you’re a broke introvert, the text from many good books can be found HERE , if you’re in dire straits however, go find an Al-Anon Meeting, it saved me. *None of these links are affiliate links,


Today’s Reading

Quoted from Page 337 in “Courage to Change

I can easily itemize my loved one’s limitations. Hours pass while I list the ways in which [s]he could stand to change.

But not one thing has ever improved as a result of this mental criticism. All it does is keep my mind on someone other than me. Instead of admitting my powerlessness over another person’s choices and attitudes, I flirt with illusions of power. In the end I am a little more bitter, more hopeless, and more frustrated. And nothing about my situation, or the other person, has changed.

What would happen if I took my list of criticisms and applied it, gently, to myself? I may complain about my loved one’s verbal abuse – after all, I don’t speak to him that way. But at the level of thought, I am just as abusive. The same attitude exists in both of us; we just manifest it differently.

Today’s reminder


Al-Anon says, “Let it begin with me.” When I identify something I dislike in another, I can look for similar traits withing myself and begin to change them. By changing myself, I truly can change the world.

Quote

“Peace of mind depends on recognizing our own shortcomings. An honest personal inventory helps us recognize the faults that so often increase confusion and despair.”

This is Al-Anon

Alleged Insight:

And so I begin with a skip, then a double up. Yesterday’s post was earlier today, and now this one. But admitting our shortcomings, accepting issues and moving forward is just a part of life, now isn’t it?

Took me a bit to recover from the literal sickness that took hold of our house yesterday, thus, I’m alive just a couple of hours late on things. But on a good note I spent more quality time with my kids yesterday than I usually manage. Anyhow, about today’s reading, I wish I could give some deep insight, some sage connotations but the truth is that all I’m getting when I read this reading is the song chorus continually running through my head. “Let there be peace on Earth, and Let it begin with me…”

These day’s peace of mind and peace of heart are two very dear and precious commodities in our turbulent world; personally or in the larger picture. Of late we’re fussing back and forth over boundaries and life choices while gearing up for the manic Christmas season that comes with public schooling.

Closing thoughts:

I guess the point to make from all this is that peace starts not with external stimuli, but it starts inside us. You, me, them, we all have this chaos and serenity built into our very essence, and it’s about time to settle the manic and let peace have a chance to shine.

Duke.


Learn To Live Your Life By Living

Learn To Live Your Life By Living

Courage To Change – December 1, 2019

Me and my Beautiful Wife

There was a line from somewhere, I can’t remember where I heard it first. The wording was along the lines of “Life is not for the faint of heart. Live your life like you mean to do great things and when you’re done, you will have done great things. In essence, simply observing life isn’t the point. Record all the things you must by all means, but don’t forget to be involved in all the things as well. Life your life, and learn to live your life, by living it. This precious gift of today should not be taken for granted.

Quick and Simple Disclaimer: The readings in this post are literally taken wholesale out of the book entitled Courage to Change. You can find it at Amazon, Here. The portion entitled Alleged Insight, well that mess is all me.
If you’re an introvert, go buy the book, if you’re a broke introvert, the text from many good books can be found HERE , if you’re in dire straits however, go find an Al-Anon Meeting, it saved me. *None of these links are affiliate links,

Today’s Reading

Quoted from Page 336 in “Courage to Change

Al-Anon was the first place I’d been in a long time where people invited me back even after listening to my woes. I’m so grateful that the did, because Al-Anon was my last hope – I thought that I would kill myself if I didn’t do something about the alcoholism in my home. Later, when members of the group asked me to make coffee, I was happy to do anything to repay them for their love; yet no payment was required. They loved me whether I was involved in a service or not, even when I couldn’t love myself.

Al-Anon is the only thing in my life that I’ve been dedicated to, the only thing I’ve ever felt consistently good at. As I do service work, I see myself accomplishing things, giving, receiving, growing. I see my progress as I learn to learn, and as the lessons become part of me, I take them into all areas of my life.

Today I like to think that I get to take an active part in the growth of Al-Anon through service. I’m not doing Al-Anon a favor, Al-Anon is doing me one. It actually thrills me to remember that. I’m allowed to take part! You let me!

Today’s reminder

Listening, hearing, thinking and reading about a spiritual awakening are fine, but if I really want this gift, there is something I can do about it: I can get involved.

Quote

“What we learn to do, we learn by doing.”

Aristotle

Alleged Insight:

It’s taken me the better part of twenty years to learn even the smallest portion of this lesson. I am a quite introspective person when left to my own devices. I do not, of my own accord, get out there and make a difference. Participating in my own life let alone other’s lives, is not something that even remotely crosses my intentional awareness.

But now I’ve this amazing family, with five vibrant children and a wife who is so very much ‘all that’ but can’t see it in herself, that I am required to up my game. Getting up every day and participating is no longer an option. I am required to take care of these people, they’re mine to care about.

Now, I came into this marriage with a huge pile of baggage, and had convinced myself that I had dealt with most of it.

I was wrong.

Not being triggered is not the same as being in good mental health.

I was a master at evasion; avoiding those things that were going to cause issues, were going to leave me an emotional wreck. This, while a valid coping technique, is not a good path to mental health. Constantly running away from what scares/bothers/upsets you just leaves you unable to cope with these things when you finally can’t get away anymore.

With the first boy born thirteen years ago, I found myself with a child and a wife in an emergency medical transport plane headed to a specialist hospital six hundred kilometers away from home. Things were getting really really real. I was their support. There was nobody else. I had to step up and perform.

That moment, watching the wings of the plane flex and shiver in the turbulent air as we hurtled towards Vancouver, I had a rather abrupt awakening. It was time to face the demons, time to start to be present in the life I’d been coasting through.

Up to now, I had been an observer (mostly) watching and avoiding. Not learning how to best handle the difficult things that were coming my way.

That boy was the first of five children with specific needs and issues that required a full time, fully involved father. I was not going to be the dad who brings home money, has selfish personal pursuits and never spends the time to connect with his children or wife.

Closing thoughts:

It’s been more than a decade since that first boy was born, and the roller coaster of life hasn’t stopped since. I am nowhere near the best version of myself that I could be, but by the grace of God, I am getting better, one day at a time.

Duke.