My Actions Define Me and My Whole Family

My Actions Define Me and My Whole Family

One Day At A Time – August 19, 2020

Photo by Heshan Perera on Unsplash

I am the father of six children, five at home, and the husband of an amazing woman who does more than I can even imagine. I don’t deserve the riches I have been gifted by God. I am however, prone to failure as all men are. I get upset, I vent and rage on occasion. When hurt deeply I have in the past reacted by lashing out. All of these reactions are a short-cut emotional response where I didn’t take the time to respond as I should have. There are a great many things that I still need to work on not bringing forward with me to the current situation. Patterns of behavior are the hardest damned thing to change. Opinions, feelings, emotions; with intentional concentration I can sometimes manage to put myself apart from those, to respond rather than react. But I am still left with my actions, my patterns of behavior.

All the good intentions in the world don’t make any difference if I am still reacting and doing in the manner that damages those around me. My actions, not my intentions, define me and set the tone for my whole family.

Quick and Simple Disclaimer: The readings in this post are literally taken wholesale out of the book entitled Courage to Change. You can find it at Amazon, Here. The portion entitled Alleged Insight, well that mess is all me.

If you’re an introvert, go buy the book, if you’re a broke introvert, the text from many good books can be found HERE , if you’re in dire straits however, go find an Al-Anon Meeting, it saved me. *None of these links are affiliate links.

Picture by Author of daily reading

Photo by Author of page from today’s reading in the book Al-Anon One Day At A Time

So- The Text of Today’s Reading

My attitude toward another — whether drinking or not — can have untold influence on the life of my family. Perhaps, through long drinking years, I acquired the habit of tearing him down, showing my contempt for his actions, indignation at the neglect of obligations. I am responsible for the consequences of such attitudes. Even a little understanding and compassion will show us that our behavior is ego-destroying, and the ego of the drinker is already painfully battered by guilt and fear.

Today’s reminder

I never want to forget that my spouse, with whatever faults he or she may have, is a child of God, and is therefore entitled to my respect and consideration. I will guard against assuming the role of judge and punisher, for I cannot destroy another person without inflicting great damage on myself.

“It is easy, terribly easy, to shake a man’s faith in himself.

To take advantage of that to break a man’s spirit, is devil’s work.”

(G.B Shaw: Candida)

Alleged Insight:

A sign of maturity is that you can accept into yourself ownership of your own stupid and hurtful behaviours and decisions. Blaming others for your failings never works in the long run, and the consequences are usually toxic at best. What’s more, if I am to blame others for my choices and behaviours, what does that say about me? Alternatively, if I lash out at others because of my own emotional responses to stimuli outside of me, that also indicates that I am not mature enough to respond rather than reacting to a situation.

Having said all that, emotions are powerful things, and one of our main goals in life is to become more emotionally stable and strong (at least one of mine is), so learning to walk a better path of progress is not the same as having arrived. I still fail and fall, and for that I often and profusely apologize to those I hurt or frighten. I miss the mark more often than I mange to hit it. I am just really starting out on this path of mine. It’s going to be a long haul, and I can be kind enough to myself to be understanding, rather than harmful in my treatment of myself in this situation.

I do hope that made sense. I am trying to express what is only barely understood by me at this point. Oddly enough, by the time I can express it clearly, I’ll likely not even think about it happening, much like breathing, it becomes part of what I am doing right, so I’ll shift to another problem area and focus on that.

Take care of yourself, be kind to others and self, and remember, you’re basically a houseplant with complicated emotions; drink lots of water, get quality sunlight, and nap often.

Duke.




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